Rejection

Yesterday was a tough day for me. I hadn't felt so down in quite a while; over a year now. When I was hired on at my current company almost two years ago, I knew that the position I was filling was a short-term project position. Now that I'm done with it, I am having to send my resume around to other teams in the company to see if anyone will pick me up. After sending my resume around to nearly a dozen teams, I have only heard from one team who politely informed me that they filled the position with another person.

So, yesterday a sadness hit me and I was a bit confused at first as to why I would be sad. God, had already dealt with my issue of wrongly tyinging my Significance to my job over a year ago, I know that I really don't look to my job for a sense of significance. Yesterday I thought that might be it initially, that I was still doing such a thing, but as I thought about it more it didn't seem to quite fit. I think I now know what is beginning to bother me so much. It feels like rejection; like I'm not wanted. That is something that God still needs to work on in me. Rejection has always been a tough thing for me to handle, I rarely dated in High School because the word 'no' to my request for a date would cause great turmoil within me for weeks. I hate interviews, and do poorly at them for the very same reason.

I used to pray for peace in such situations, but this morning I asked God not for peace, but I asked him to remind me of his Love and Acceptance of me. I believe he is doing that for me, because the pressure under my eyes that usually comes with my bouts of sadness has disappeared. I really am thankful; two years ago I would have never dreamed that I would go so long without feeling those tears just under the surface -- ready to pour forward. A year plus is truly something to be thankful for. Thank you God, for the revolution you have started in my heart.

God at our table

Isn't there something to hearing the same message from 2 very different places? Maybe God is wanting me to understand something, eh? Last week I listed to a podcast that was discussing the Lord's Supper (Eucharist), and they were talking about how we misunderstand 'partaking in an unworthy manner'. Many people think we need to get all cleaned up to partake, but the guys in the podcast said that the ones that are truly worthy are the ones that come knowing that they don't deserve it. They also talked about how the early church celebrated it, not in a sanctuary where we came to the 'Lord's Table' but in homes there the Lord came to our table.

So yesterday I was minding my own business and then I heard a song by Bethany Dillion called "You are on our side" that took my breath away. Here are the words, but you should really go over to rhapsody to hear it.

(Warning Lyrics might be considered PG-13, so if that bothers you don't read it)

The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

If you go over to rhapsody, you should check out her song 'The Kingdom' as well. Even though I'm not a big fan of repetitive lyrics, it still strikes a chord with me (The words more than the music). More to come....

The Shack

I've recently finished reading a book called 'The Shack'....Actually I've read it 2 times so far, and will probably read it a third time very soon. It is gut-wrenching, thought provoking, and beautiful. Here is a snippet of something from it that has been bouncing around in my head for a while:

On the Law:

But can you clean your face with the same mirror that shows you how dirty you are? There is no mercy or grace in the rules, not even for one mistake. That's why Jesus fulfilled all of it for you -- so that it no longer has jurisdiction over you. And the Law that once contained impossible commands -- Thou shall not... -- actually becomes a promise we fulfill in you.

This book is rich with statements like this that challenge you to re-turn to the heart of God.

Long Absence from the blog, but God has been teaching me!

I have been away from this too long. My goal was originally to try to post something at least once a week for a couple of reasons. One to throw some thoughts out there that may generate some discussion. And two, to work on my writing skills -- I used to love to write, but I have been out of it for so long that I have a hard time putting thoughts on paper.

I've been thinking about the core motivations of human beings. While thinking about this I found that a great deal of what we do can really be traced back to 2 primary desires in our hearts -- Love and Acceptance. Our desire for love and friendships can obviously be traced to these, but I think the drive for success, fame, or fortune can also be ultimately trace back to these as well. What is success really, isn't it about being known as someone who is competent, valuable, and looked up to in a particular field? Isn't that really about acceptance? What about Fame? Isn't that really about being known and adored by masses of people? Then there is fortune, but is it really about the stuff, or is it about making an impression (Acceptance), or having the time and freedom to be more social?

While I've been thinking about all this, the verses about the Treasure in the field, and the Perl of great price (Matt 13:44-46) have kept coming to mind, along with Romans 6 (You have died to sin), as well as the numerous verses about Love being the fulfillment of the Law (such as Gal 5:14). Our self-preferring (sin) nature is constantly seeking to find Love and Acceptance on it's own terms. But what if we really understood that God Loves us and Accepts us as we are. No need to 'prove' ourselves, or to perform better to be Loved. What if we had all the Love and Acceptance we needed in Him? Would that be the pearl of great price, or the treasure hidden in the field? Would we then sell (get rid of) all the old ways of finding love and acceptance? Would we then be dead to all those old ways as well, since they held no life, no comparison to the Love and Acceptance we have in our Father? And if we had truly found such a treasure, would we be able to keep quiet?

One thing that I find sad it how easily as Christians we can get caught up in details and miss the big picture entirely. We get so caught up in proper behavior that we miss the whole point. The point isn't a set of principles or rules. The ultimate reality isn't a set of truths or a standard, it a personal being -- God. A God who has come into our broken world to restore us and our relationship with him. We are relational at our core, that is why love and acceptance is so important to us. That is also why Scripture says Love is the fulfillment of the Law. Law tells us how to treat God, and people when we don't love them but Love will take us much farther than Law ever could. I think Paul understood this and that is why he said "But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code." (Rom 7:6)

I know that this is really nothing new; something that I have had 'knowledge' of for a while, but I think that God is beginning to work the truth of it into my heart.