Thursday, May 31, 2007


Yesterday was a tough day for me. I hadn't felt so down in quite a while; over a year now. When I was hired on at my current company almost two years ago, I knew that the position I was filling was a short-term project position. Now that I'm done with it, I am having to send my resume around to other teams in the company to see if anyone will pick me up. After sending my resume around to nearly a dozen teams, I have only heard from one team who politely informed me that they filled the position with another person.

So, yesterday a sadness hit me and I was a bit confused at first as to why I would be sad. God, had already dealt with my issue of wrongly tyinging my Significance to my job over a year ago, I know that I really don't look to my job for a sense of significance. Yesterday I thought that might be it initially, that I was still doing such a thing, but as I thought about it more it didn't seem to quite fit. I think I now know what is beginning to bother me so much. It feels like rejection; like I'm not wanted. That is something that God still needs to work on in me. Rejection has always been a tough thing for me to handle, I rarely dated in High School because the word 'no' to my request for a date would cause great turmoil within me for weeks. I hate interviews, and do poorly at them for the very same reason.

I used to pray for peace in such situations, but this morning I asked God not for peace, but I asked him to remind me of his Love and Acceptance of me. I believe he is doing that for me, because the pressure under my eyes that usually comes with my bouts of sadness has disappeared. I really am thankful; two years ago I would have never dreamed that I would go so long without feeling those tears just under the surface -- ready to pour forward. A year plus is truly something to be thankful for. Thank you God, for the revolution you have started in my heart.


Kent said...

cool stuff Rick.....very tough and difficult for sure.....but very cool.

I'm with you on the request you made. It is about being assured of his love for us that will bring us the peace we long for.

travis said...

I still love this posting! Thank you for sharing your experience.